In the beginning, despite the embarrassment and pain, i understood that they meant it in a nice way; plus, everything they said was true and they did say it nicely. I believed they were only telling me because they wanted me to be healthier and all that - it was fine. But i don't know when it started, people just came up to me one after another, day after day, (sound familiar? yeah, primary school all over again) and their words became more and more hurtful, they didn't even bother to sugar coat it.
They said it as if I had no feelings whatsoever, suddenly "Maybe you should lose a little weight" turned into "You're so fat weh, go diet lah", "Haha, just eat a bit less then can already lah, then you'll look alright" turned into "Stop eating lah, everyday also eat eat eat. Enough la. *laughs*". By the way, i really don't see how adding a chuckle or giggle after an insult makes everything better - it makes it WORSE in my opinion and it's so hurtful. Don't just walk up to me and say something to hurt my feelings and THEN laugh after doing so, i might slap you in the face. But no, i won't, because i'm a coward. Every time this happens (countless times this year alone) i just laugh along even though it's no laughing matter to me. I smile and act as if it doesn't bother me but i'm trying my best to keep the tears in. IT WASN'T EVEN THAT BAD UNTIL, one day I fell down in school and the first thing my friend said to me was not "Are you alright?" but instead, "HAHAHA, i heard the ground shake!". Erm, ouch? And then another day it was worse, I was eating yogurt in school and someone said "Oh you're eating yogurt? Do you think that helps you slim down? Well it sure isn't working. Hahaha!". In public, too. Right in front of about 10 other people. So let me get this straight, a fat kid can't eat a burger in public without being criticized, and now a fat kid can't eat YOGURT without getting insulted? I am not even on a diet, I eat yogurt because it tastes good and it's the easiest thing to grab in the morning when i leave home. Why do i even have to explain this?! How does it affect anyone if I am or am not on a diet? WHAT'S WRONG WITH BEING ON A DIET? WHAT’S WRONG IF I DON'T WANT TO GO ON A DIET?
They say "There are no ugly people, only lazy people" meaning you are only ugly because you are lazy to care for your skin, care for your fitness, etc, etc. Well how about "There are no ugly people, only people who don't feel comfortable in their own skin" - meaning i am ugly because i constantly think i am ugly, but if i can practise self-acceptance and accept the way that i look, then i am just as beautiful as all of you! As long as i am comfortable with how i look, what else matters?! I honestly feel like i look alright, once in a while i might complain about the way i look to my closest friends, but 90% of the time i feel perfectly fine. Going on a diet never even crossed my mind til all my "friends" started saying shit about me. Who are you to tell me that i should lose 5 kgs or go for a run because i need it?! It's not like i'm dangerously overweight and you are truly concerned about my health - no, most of you who come up to me and "ADVISE" me to eat less probably just think it's funny. Lol. Lol lol lol. Hilarious.
Listen, just cos you're skinny, it doesn't mean i have to be as skinny as you, as pretty as you, i'm not gonna compare myself to you and all your perfection anyway so don't tell me what to do. Please. Unless you are honestly concerned about me and want the best for me (i know there are some people who have kind hearts), then don't come up to me with shit words and break my heart, especially in public. Even if you do mean it in a good way, please say it kindly, not harshly. Also, if you overhear someone else saying i am fat, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO COME UP TO ME AND SAY, IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, "Hey that guy just said you're fat. *chuckles*" Again with the little laugh after saying something hurtful! I really can't help but think that your motive was to embarrass me, and by doing it this way you wouldn't feel guilty cause you're just "passing on the message". I wouldn't have known, i wouldn't have gotten hurt, i wouldn't have been embarrassed in front of tons of people, i wouldn't have gone home and cried if you had not told me.
I never had the guts to say anything back to all the people who hurt me and in the end they are still my friends, but I am sick and tired of being hurt all the time, and this is the bravest thing i can do - put all my feelings down in words. Just cos i laugh a lot and i'm always smiling doesn't mean you can take advantage of that and hurt me over and over again, treat me like a doormat and step all over me! I just wish all of you could accept me the way I look, just like how I accept the way I look! There is more to me than just my looks, I am fairly good at Mathematics and taking photographs, among other things, so why can't you think of all that when you see me rather than just my above-average size?! Now people are probably gonna say that I'm just lazy and pathetic and begging for sympathy- well it's my choice if i want to lose weight or not, i'll do it if i want to, when i want to, thank you very much. Whatever it is, keep it to yourself, i don't want to hear it anyway.
SO PLEASE, STOP HURTING MY FEELINGS.