Friday, February 24, 2017

Before February ends, I figured I'd sit down and write. This is a little overdue, but I just realized I survived an entire year and some, not knowing what the heck I was feeling on January 12th, 2016 (insert huge question mark here). Maybe some things really are better left in the dark. Also, I feel like I skipped through the whole of last year without acknowledging or even realizing the fact that I was 19, and suddenly, I'm 20 and it feels so so strange to say that - quite like the taste of an odd flavoured sweet in my mouth. Not exactly a bad taste... just unfamiliar, really, and it makes me feel as if i've jumped a year in life (or even more).

On being 20: granted, such a momentous age is, as expected, yet another opportunity to once again prove my timeless immaturity and absolute lack of common sense, as was proven by the way shit went down last month - which is, really, the best way i may describe how i absolutely screwed up. The bright side - which took me close to a month to see - however, is that I still find (many) reasons to be happy and utterly grateful. And I guess in the end, that's all that matters; I'm hoping this side of me continues to grow as i enter my 20's.

To February and the amazing (despite bumpy) three-month break I've had: adios for now.

Thursday, January 26, 2017

I am litefuckingrally the most idiotic person in the whole bloody wide world. My idiocy surprises me sometimes, really. It knows no bounds. Life must really be a damn cycle because this year is starting to horrifyingly mimic the terrible memories I have of 2013/14.

To which I respond: nonononononononononofuckkkkkkno

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Pieced together a little something to end the year.

I know it's been only three days, but I'm feeling pretty optimistic about this year. Excited for what's to come, and hoping I'll have the strength and courage to face whatever challenges that'll be thrown at me. I figured since I'll be turning 20 in a couple weeks, it's about time I stop running away from things. 

Happy New Year!
2017: Be Present

Friday, December 30, 2016

How is it that I still manage to feel this way, despite having the best year ever?
I know this is not hard. Coping with death is hard. Distance is hard. Heartbreak is hard, having disabilities is hard, realizing you've turned into someone you hate is hard, feeling directionless is hard.

But this isn't easy.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Panoramas are not my area of expertise..

It's the time of the year where: Christmas lights are up. I stay in bed all day. A lot of reflecting is done. Spotify's statistics are out(!). You know, the usual.
And this time around specifically, for me, it's where we're deep enough into the year that I can say for certain that I had a bloody good year - that being said, even if the last 18 days of this year don't go as well as expected (not that I have any expectations... my mantra for the past six months? expect less), considering the past twelve and a half months of absofreakinglute goodness I've been blessed with, I'd still declare that this year has been fantastic.

Each year just keeps getting better. 
I've never felt this contented. I've reiterated how good life has been treating me so many damn times, that I'm starting to sound like a broken record. No complaints about that. 

Thursday, December 1, 2016

And to think that I was shocked we were entering the fourth quarter of 2k16. Dude, it's December. In case that doesn't drop your jaw just yet, let me spell it out for ya: it's the last month of the year. Already eleven months into the year and I still constantly mistake random little memories from 2k15 as having happened "just a couple of months ago". This whole year has been an ongoing web of messy thoughts, just going with the flow, and taking everything in as i go. I'm just hoping that making a Christmas playlist on Spotify and binge-eating gingerbread men will knock some sense of time in me. 

Sunday, November 6, 2016

Funnily enough, though I've been having way more downs than ups lately, I only ever write when I'm back on top, which is quite the contrary to my writing habits in the past; can't tell if it's a good thing that I'm giving my future self the impression of having had only good days in 2016. 

Anyhow, I'm mentally drained from the three papers I had in a single week, but so, so relieved. Things will only go up from here, I hope.